saw the doc today

•September 26, 2011 • Leave a Comment

She ordered Femara and another SA for the man. Her main question for me was when do we go see someone more powerful than her? I told her as soon as we exhaust all non-invasive things like meds and SAs. So not too much longer.

The last SA he did was several years ago. My cycles are completely normal and I get strong +opks every month, so it’s not me… it’s him right? lols. I wish diagnosing were that easy.

call back

•September 13, 2011 • Leave a Comment

The doc called back last week and said the next steps are to go see an RE that they work closely with. However, their offices are 50 and 100 miles away. WTF? That RE office would do the initial consult and any procedures, but my monitoring would be done at my OB office. I wasn’t happy with this next step and told the nurse so. I think it’s a little soon just to say, “we don’t know what to do with you, so we’re going to send you somewhere else”.

I asked what the doc thought about Femara and the nurse said she doesn’t prescribe Femara because it’s very expensive and there is no generic. Seriously? That’s the reason you came up with? I called bullshit and told her that my insurance’s website shows there is a generic and it cost $5 at my pharmacy. Femara itself is $55. She (the nurse) thanked me for the info because she was unaware. FFS.

I got another call back yesterday and my doc wants me to come in to see her in a few weeks to discuss things. This better not be a “here’s what they will do when you go up there” meeting. I’ll be pissed.

cycle 20…again

•September 8, 2011 • Leave a Comment

This is getting effing ridiculous. In the last 5 years, I’ve spent 4 of them TTC.

I called my doc today wanting to know what the next steps are. Waiting for her to call me back.

Back when we started TTC #2, I made the number one mistake in the TTC world by telling a few gals at work that were pg when I was the first time. Because you know, it’s so much easier to get knocked up quicker the second time. Barf. Since then, one of them is already back from another maternity leave. The other is in her 2nd trimester. Both of them ask me frequently how its going. I lie every time and tell them that we are still just chugging along.

It’s a lie because we aren’t just chugging along. I’m suffering emotionally. The man tries to cover up his emotions, but I can see through it. He’s wanting it to happen just as much as me.

Then I think about our little girl who will be turning 2 soon. Our little girl; who I blindly thought would be a big sister by now, who I want so bad to give a close in age sibling to…and can’t.

Fuck you. And fuck you too.

•June 17, 2011 • 1 Comment


Yep. That’s what someone across the table at Beef O’Brady’s yelled in our direction the other night. We were minding our own business at a retirment party for one of the man’s co-workers and somehow my ute was brought up in conversation. Now mind you, most of his co-workers are in their 50s and all got PG many moons ago on their honeymoon. So it has to be that easy for everyone.

I ignored them as if I didn’t hear them and kept on playing with O, showing her the proper way to eat an Oreo.


It’s been a year since my last post.

•June 13, 2011 • 1 Comment

Still TTC #2. I thought for sure this one was going to be a lot easier this time around. Boy was I wrong. We’re on the tail end of cycle 17. Doesn’t seem possible since #1 is only 19 months old.

I feel like a failure or that my body keeps failing me. Not sure which. Every month I can see the disappointment in the man’s eyes when I tell him I’ve started.

Today is his birthday and there’s nothing more that I want to do then give him good news. I’m 99.99999% sure that’s not going to happen. Yesterday and Saturday I was spotting. Nothing today. That’s where .00001% hope falls in. I’m really tempted to test, but know it’s useless. I even went to Dollar Tree and bought 3 tests.

Hope drives me crazy.

hello cycle 5

•June 7, 2010 • 1 Comment

So I started again today. Good news is that I’m pretty regular. The last 4 cycles have been pretty nice to me being 32, 26, 28 and 27 days respectively. I keep reminding myself that the first time around, we tried for over a year before charting, using opks, or doing any kind of first step testing. Once we started all that, it took 22 cycles.

We can’t wait that long for #2. We just can’t. I’m knocking on 35’s door and terrified. What if…..


•April 25, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I had no idea I was on cd 13. I started charting this cycle, but wasn’t feeling it, so the thermometer got booted. We only had sex this morning because he wanted it. Keeping the man happy has been #1, sometimes #2 on my daily list. He does so much for me and the baby. I really am incredibly blessed to have him.

That said, I’ve never hated having sex until recently. It still burns like a bitch and I thought for sure by now that would have subsided. Ugh. He can still see how much it hurts me as I don’t hide the grimaces and I still quote the doc and say “That was for you”. I push him away as soon as he’s done and try to make a joke about it since it feels rude. Usually I say something like “OK, everybody out”. We both laugh and go on with our day. Poor guy. I wish I could enjoy it more, but he seems to be ok with it all.

+ opk!

•March 31, 2010 • 2 Comments

Wow, I haven’t done this in a while. It’s funny how excited I got.

cycle 1

•March 17, 2010 • Leave a Comment

was 30 days. Not bad, not bad at all. I can’t decide on whether or not to chart this next time. I half assed it with no temps last month.

Decisions decisions.

Methinks I’ll sleep with the thermometer tonight Justin Case.


•February 26, 2010 • 3 Comments

Right on track so far.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand Lactaid isn’t working. I may lose my mind soon. Although I am enjoying my soy mochas from Starbucks. I joined their rewards program and get free soy milk in my drinks. Woot!

hmm, that’s interesting

•February 14, 2010 • 3 Comments

I finally went to pick up my script for Provera yesterday. I was going to take a test this morning, as instructed, then start it today. Sure enough, I started to spot last night. Today it’s very light. I wouldn’t consider it flow yet. As of right now there is no need to take the Provera.

And I just picked up some Lactaid. I downed a glass of milk this morning because it was taunting me and I’ve been paying for it big time. I think it’s getting worse. I hope this stuff works.


•February 10, 2010 • 3 Comments

I never thought I would need it to start my period. My cycles before getting pregnant were pretty normal. 29-33 days. Ovulating regularly was a different story.

It’s been 13 weeks since O was born and 6 weeks since I last pumped. I thought for sure that when I called the doc last week that I would start this week. Nope. So I’m going to start Provera tomorrow, providing I remember to go pick it up after work. If I don’t start within 2 weeks of my last (10th) pill, I call the doc back.

Are we crazy for wanting another child so soon? Yes, maybe, I don’t know, probably. But we aren’t getting any younger.

I can’t live in denial forever

•February 1, 2010 • 14 Comments

I’m afraid I have become lactose intolerant. It’s weird because I drank so much milk and ate my fair of string cheese while pregnant and never had any problems. I craved ice cold milk. So much that our 4 frozen beer mugs turned into my 4 frozen milk mugs.

Since giving birth, my body just can’t tolerate it. I turn into Farty McFartson a few hours after drinking milk or eating pretty much anything dairy. I have been in denial for almost 12 weeks now. I go back to work on February 8th and I can’t just walk around the office crop dusting the place like I have at my house for the past 3 months. That is probably against some sort of policy.

I’m not sure how to deal with this now that I’ve had a come to Jesus moment. What about my mochas? Ice cream? Pizza?

The worse part – cookies. I can’t enjoy cookies without milk. Downing a glass of soy or rice milk after 3 delicious oreo cookies just isn’t the same. I might just crawl into a ball and pout. This isn’t going to end well for anyone involved.

bitchfest warning

•January 19, 2010 • 1 Comment

My mom has never been one to go to the doctor on a regular basis. I can’t be too critical as the only docs I see on a regular basis are my OB and Dentist. Anywho, she hurt her back last week. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem, but she is my primary care giver to Olivia when I go back to work in less than 3 weeks.

Seriously, she hasn’t lifted a finger for herself in two years, and last week she decided it was a good diea to shovel her driveway. AYFKM? This is the kind of thing that she would previously call my brother for or ask my husband. And she only did a strip to the mailbox.

She called me last Friday to bring her some pain medicine. I took her a few Tylenol 3s. Just enough to take the edge off so she could to the immediate care center and get evaluated. She wouldn’t let me take her right then.

I told her that back problems don’t just go away in a few days and if she can’t walk or pick up Olivia, she can’t watch her. I’m 99.9% positive that this struck a nerve with her (no pun intended). Fast forward 2 days. She went to the ICC. They told her that she had done something to her sciatic nerve and gave her lortabs. This explains the pain in the lower back and legs and why it’s so hard for her to walk right now.

Fuck me running. I don’t want to put O into daycare until she’s at least a year old. I may not have a choice. Ugh. Mom is just as disappointed as I am right now because she realy wants to take care of her during the day. We’ve been talking and preparing for it for almost a year now. As soon as we told her I was pregnant, she asked to keep her 3 days a week.

She has an appointment with her doctor on Friday. Hopefully, the nerve isn’t totally shot and she will feel better soon. Not so much for me and Olivia, but for herself. She’s retired and if she stays in bed all day popping lortabs, she might get comfortable. She doesn’t have a history of this behavior, but I kmow how easy it can be when you aren’t working and still getting an income.

Hopefully, the thought of not being able to see O all the time like she was planning will be enough for her to strive to get better. I really hope so.

sex hurts

•January 11, 2010 • 4 Comments

I had ewcm yesterday and took full advantage of it. Holy Mary, Mother of God, it still hurts. We used a ton of preseed too.

well, that’s that

•January 3, 2010 • 6 Comments

It’s over. Caput. Finished. Done.


Empty is the best word to use I guess. For the last day and a half I have pumped 5 times and nothing has come out. Not a single drop. Of course I bawled like a little baby this morning. Now I smell ike maple syrup for no fucking reason. Thanks Fenugreek.

I’m not sure there is anything else I want to say about it. Maybe next time will work out better.

one last effort

•December 24, 2009 • 3 Comments

I’m giving the oatmeal and fenugreek two weeks to help my milk supply. If it doesn’t do anything, I’m done pumping. I have ordered these to help her latch better. I know I can make more if she could latch on a regular basis, but that doesn’t happen. This is all I have in me. I’ve busted my ass for the last six weeks to barely get an ounce a day.

We put her on Similac Advanced Sensitive (soy) because she just wasn’t doing well on the regular Similac Advanced. Similac sent me a sample container and she’s taking it very well. Today is day three and she’s definitely not as fussy as she was during and after feedings, but now her breath smells like corn afterwards. :/

I’m gonna miss them

•December 23, 2009 • 1 Comment

Today was my last appointment at the OB until next December. I had my annual pap while I was there today. When she said, “see you in a year”, it kind of felt so final. I know my pregnancy is over, but I’m still in some sort of denial about it.

The nurse that checked me in has been the same one that has checked me in for almost a year. I love her to death. She asked what birth control we decided on using. I said “none”. Then she said, “so I guess you’ll be using condoms”. I said, “no”, then gave her a quirky smile. She looked at me with a big grin and said “you go girl”.

My Dr is thrilled we are going to start trying right away. Of course she is, because that means more $$$ for her. There is no sign of my period, but that should change in a few weeks as I plan to stop pumping if the Fenugreek and oatmeal don’t work.

Fast forward to conversations held while she was doing my pap. I’m still tender down there and she’s talking to me about this, that and the other about sexy time. Then all of a sudden she says, “the first few times are for him, not you and your first words will probably be take it slow and don’t mind my painful looking face”. I about died laughing and told her I was going to tell my husband she said that.

The plan for #2 is to start trying as soon as I get my period. If nothing after six months of trying, call her.

she latched!!!

•December 20, 2009 • 3 Comments

onto lefty for about 15 minutes today. I try to get her to latch every few days or so. Normally she lashes around with her mouth open and never bothers to try. It just pisses her off and she ends up melting down. Then I get upset because she’s upset. It’s a giant vicious circle.

Not sure how much she was able to get, but I did see her swallow a few times. I’m pretty sure she was using it as a soothie most of the time, but I’ll take it. The best part…. it didn’t hurt! Woot!!!

Then I moved her over to the other one. Not such a good idea. She didn’t like and wouldn’t latch. Baby steps.

I’m having a hard time

•December 20, 2009 • Leave a Comment

O is starting to grow out of her newborn clothes. I’m starting a pile on her dresser and it’s getting bigger after every load of laundry. This is making me incredibly sad. She’s still in Newbaby Pampers Swaddler diapers, so that helps a little. In August we bought the smallest size Swaddlers that Sams Club sells. I think they are size 1-2 and up to 15 pounds. We use these at night for obvious reasons.

Don’t get me wrong, I want her to grow up big and strong, but I can still be sad that she’s not 8 pounds anymore. At her last doc visit on the 12th, she was 8lbs 14oz.

Fun updates:

– She hates tummy time unless it’s on our chest.
– She loves her jungle play mat.
– She has mad burping skills.
– She likes looking at herself in the mirror when she’s on the changing table.
– She’s smiling and cooing at mama a lot!
^ This totally makes up for everything that is making me sad.

tis the season

•December 12, 2009 • 5 Comments

I took a trip to our Vet yesterday. The man was off of work and the cat needed food. She’s on a special diet for her kidneys. I made some coffee, put it in a to-go mug, cranked up the Christmas tunes and enjoyed the 30 minute drive to the clinic.

I know all the people there since my husband’s uncle is an equestrian doc for them. They let a select few animals hang out in the lobby and one of them is some sort of exotic bird that is very interactive named Tiki. He’s awesome.

When I went to pay the $40 for the 10lb bag of catfood they told me we had $150 credit on our account. Turns out, the uncle put that on there with a message: “Congrats and Merry Christmas”.



•December 9, 2009 • 3 Comments

I wish I had more of it. It’s almost impossible to sleep when she does when you are home alone. I’ve tried a few times, but then my mind wanders about things that I should be doing. The man has had a wacky schedule at work. The week after she was born he had to work. He tried to schedule his vacation time in advance, but since babies don’t have a calendar, it was pretty hard. The week of Thanksgiving he was only off on Thursday and Friday, but had the whole next week off. This week he had to work Monday – Wednesday and a half day Thursday and is off Friday.

He’s off all next week!!! I could really use the company and help. Don’t get me wrong, having my mom come over long enough for me to take a shower and do some stuff around the house is heavenly. Honestly, I need some sleep. I have ugly bags under my eyes and I’m cranky alot.

Don’t get me started on emotions. I cry all the time. Sometimes it’s a happy cry when O looks at me and smiles (on purpose or not). Mostly it’s because I miss my husband and I hate that he has to go to work while I don’t. I hate hormones.

baby is crying, until next time….

let’s talk vag care after delivery

•November 23, 2009 • 2 Comments

If you happen to be a lucky one, I hate you. just kidding, but not really. =)

I had a third degree tear. It hasn’t been as bad as I thought it was going to be. When I asked her (doc) how bad it was and she told me, I was scared shitless. I’m not sure I mentioned in my other post many details about it, but now I will.

I have no idea how many stiches are/were up there. She didn’t count or tell me. She did tell me that she had to repair my vagina and rectum. ::insert screams here:: The stiches are supposed to dissolve in 7-10 days. Today is day 12. I hope they are gone.

Day 1
The night shift nurse takes me to the bathroom after removing my cathetar to show me what to do. Wow, mesh pants have come a long way since I worked in a nursing home. Anywho, she was very patient, nice and knew my epi was or has already worn off. They wanted to give me percosets for the pain, but from past experiences, I know I can’t function on those bad boys. So I ended up with Tylenol 3.

Back to the toilet…
Inside the mesh pants is a baby’s newborn diaper filled with ice. After peeing, I was to rinse with with warm water, (this peri wash bottle is my best friend right now) pat dry with toilet paper, spray area with Dermoplast and apply witch hazel pads (Tucks) on top of the diaper. This procedure went on for the first day and a half. When I sat up, it was if I was sitting on a bag of rocks, but the coldness was awesome.

Day 2
OK, enough with the ice. I moved onto the long thick maternity pads. These were uncomfortable too. My poor bottom was all messed up. Still doing the procedure. Pee, rinse, dry, spray and apply witch hazel.

At this point, my urine is pretty bloody in the hat they want me to pee in. Kind of scary to look at. And I have to call the nurse every time I pee. Great. They took me to get a sitz bath. that was nice and all, but there was no padding for my back or neck. They really need to work on this.

I’m still doing the procedure plus taking a few showers daily. Gotta keep everything clean. Plus all the warm water feels so good. The man even found me more Dermaplast and witch hazel pads. I didn’t know witch hazel was just an ingrediant used in Tucks pads. Learn something new everyday. He’s been so great throughout all this.

I go back to the doc on Wednesday for my first postpartum visit. I hope to get good news. Sitting is still very painful. Riding in the car is no good either. I’ve only been on the road 3 times. 1 time too many (I’m not getting into that right now).

odd (bfing mentioned)

•November 23, 2009 • 4 Comments

My left boob produces much more milk than my right boob. Funny thing is, she won’t latch on to the left one. She gets on the right one very quickly, but I don’t think she’s getting anything because I never hear or see her swallow. Such is life.

::keeps pumping::

I’m gonna be an AW for a moment.

•November 21, 2009 • Leave a Comment

10 days past delivery.

my breastfeeding story (so far)

•November 21, 2009 • 1 Comment

Let me prelude this post by mentioning that I have had a breast reduction. Total nipple removal and reattachment. The surgeon could only tell me that I would have a 50/50 chance at breastfeeding. This was in December of 2002.

Day 1
I haven’t slept in 4 days. As soon as she starts sucking the boob, I have to pull her off. Holy crap that hurts worse than labor. I thought she had a bad latch because it was so painful. The LC came in to see us and told me her latch was great. The LC, myself and baby tried this for another hour and it was so painful I was in tears.

Queue music until hyperventilation takes over. I had no idea it would hurt this bad. I just couldn’t bear the pain. I was in so much distress that it wasn’t doing anyone any good. The LC took a better look-see at my nipples and told me that I seem to have severe nerve damage and too much scar tissue. Because of these two things, my nips are too tight. She does think that I will be able to bf over time. Using the pump can loosen them so it won’t be so painful. When? We have no idea. I stuck my finger in her mouth to feel the suction. Damn, it’s a good thing my fingernail is attached. The LC did the same. We both now understand why it hurts so bad. She even said she has a very powerful suck. I’m not sure whether to be happy or scared about this.

Because of my uncontrollable state of mind, body and soul, she ordered no staff or visitors to my room for 6 hours. The nursery came and took the baby to let her sleep. The only person allowed in my room without my request was my husband. I tried to sleep, but it wasn’t happening. I just wanted to see my girl, but I digressed. He left to get his h1n1 shot and I was alone…again. Just me and my thoughts of “what if I can’t breastfeed?” I cried more and more everytime I thought about it.

That night I started pumping and of course didn’t even get one drop of colostrum. I almost started panicking because the only thing I really knew is that I wanted her to have my milk. Panicking doesn’t help, so I ended up giving her a small amount of formula in hopes of getting something out of me later.

Day 2
Pump pump pump all day long…..
Still nothing. I can’t believe I’m not even getting a drop of colostrum. Being overly emotional about this sucks. Little did I know the nurses at this hospital didn’t know how to communicate. I had to explain my situation over and over again to pretty much everyone that walked in the room.

“Your chart says you are bfing”

::cries again:: mainly because it upsets me that I have to explain my situation to every new shift nurse.

The next time I pump I got 3 drops!!! OMG, I couldn’t believe it. I had the man come and use his finger to take it off my nip and put into her mouth. Weird? Yes. Do I care? No. It was if I had struck oil. It went on like this (only getting drops) for a few days. I talked to my doc and the pediatrician and we all agreed that stressing out over this really isn’t worth it. Stressing causes other hormones that will prevent milk from coming in and baby can feel it too. I have to be strong for her. After all, this is for her.

It’s getting better everyday. We are still pumping and she’s taking it like a champ. I try everyday to put her to the breast, but it’s still so painful. It was very slow going at first, but now we are up to about a bottle nipple’s worth of milk at each pump session and getting more everyday. This might be TMI – but I get crazy excited when lefty starts squirting milk when I pump. Righty still hasn’t done that yet.

That’s all for now. Hopefully, next bfing post will be more exciting.


•November 17, 2009 • 4 Comments

2:30pm Wednesday, 11/11/2009
We arrived at the hospital, get checked in and all is good. They put the IV in and the baby and contraction monitors on. I’m having regular contractions, but not feeling very many of them. I’m thinking to myself, “that was a contraction? hmmph, who knew?” It wasn’t hurting at all.

Started the pitocin. It was upped every 30 minutes. My bp was getting checked every 15 minutes and of course I was up peeing every 30 minutes.

Dialated to 3 cm. The good doctor broke my water. That was interesting. Now I can feel those pesky contractions. The nurses kept asking me when I wanted the epi. They said, no one gets a prize for being in the most pain. lolz

I only lasted 2 and a half hours through them. Much too painful.

The anesthesiologist comes in to give me the epidural. He had to do it twice because the first one didn’t take. Ouch. Not gonna lie, that was was pretty painful. About a half hour later I started feeling nauseous. My bp dropped to 86/48. Uh oh, time for ephedrine. That seemed to regulate my bp, but now it was getting taken every 5 minutes and annoying the piss out of me.

Um, P my dear, you are 9.5cms dilated. Holy crap, this is reallly going to happen whether I like it or not. The doctor was called. I can feel the contractions as pressure down stairs, but it wasn’t bad at all. I started shaking and they said that was a normal side effect of the epidural.

12:30am Thursday, 11/12/2009
Time to start pushing. They tried to get me to do 4 sets of pushes through each contraction. I tried my best, but was only giving them 3. My sinuses were acting up that day and it felt like I was going to bust my ear drums out through every push. They can already see the head and the man said he could see hair. Pushing was exhausting.

In between contractions, we were all shooting the breeze. Laughing, telling stories, I was actually having a great time. No pain what-so-ever. Doc thinks after the next 3-4 contractions, baby will be out.

Sure enough, after 3 more, her head came out. Once the doc got a shoulder out, she just slipped out the rest of the way. They put her on my chest and I was instantly in love. She was covered in blood and amniotic fluid, but oddly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They took her away to clean her up. The man took the camera to get all the good shots.

I’m not paying much attention what was going on with my factory becuse I’m looking at all the hubbub going on around the baby. Then I felt something else come out. That was sort of disgusting. The placenta. Then the doc and the nurse were holding all these shiny tools and I felt pulling. They were stiching me up. I asked how many and she didn’t want to say. She said that she wasn’t even going to count. =( I had a 3rd degree tear. She had to repair my rectum and vagina. Thank the good lord for epidurals. To this day, I still haven’t looked.

All in all, I have to say that I had a pretty easy labor. The induction couldn’t have gone any better. For that, I am very lucky.

last weekly appointment

•November 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

11:30am – Wednesday 11/11/2009

Little did I know last Wednesday would be my last weekly appointment. It was not a good day. I was in a lot of pain and I didn’t sleep much the night before (or pretty much the last 4 days). We did all the normal things like piac, weight and bp before seeing the doctor. OMG, my bp had sky-rocketed compared to my normal. Normal blood pressure for me is 110/60. That day it went up to 158/98. The nurse actually went and got someone else to take it just to be sure.

I kind of knew in the back of my mind that this was it. This was the beginning of the end of my pregnancy. So of course I started crying. I’m crying right now thinking about it. =)

I go into the room and the doc is in there before I get my pants off. She sees me crying, looks at my stats and does her thing. She told me I was 2 cm dilated, 80% effaced and 0 station.

Before she had her glove off, she asked me what my plans were for this evening. I said, “with any luck, having a baby.” She said it’s time. She couldn’t send me home knowing how much pain I was in. Then she said, “I’m kind of glad you blood pressure was high. This gives me the go-ahead to send you in.”

Here we go!!

So much to say

•November 17, 2009 • Leave a Comment

And no time to say it.  I need to start somewhere.

Last Wednesday was my weekly appointment.  I decided to take some pics before I left since I actually put on regular clothes.


I’m done

•November 11, 2009 • 2 Comments

Let me start this with how much I have loved being pregnant.   I love having someone with me 24/7.  There has never been the fear of being alone.  I talk to her as if she can comprehend.  I’ve learned her patterns and how she responds to some things that I do.  The love I feel for this baby is almost over whelming at times.  Everytime I hear her little heartbeat I cry. 

All that being said, I had no idea how hard it was going to be at the end.  I remember being that lady that said she would do anything to feel miserable, just to be pregnant.  Up until the past few weeks, I’ve welcomed all the sleepless nights, heartburn, backaches, constant trips to the bathroom, etc…  But now, I’m not good at being miserable.  The constant pain is just too much.  It’s only getting worse. 

A  few weeks ago I was taken off of work due to pain and pressure in my pelvis and swelling.  The swelling has mostly subsided since I’m able to put my feet up during the day.  But the pelvic pain is bad, very bad.  As of today it’s extremely painful to walk.  We went to BRU tonight and I almost ended up in tears.  Walking was my only saving grace.  It’s was the one thing I could do that didn’t hurt. 

It’s even too painful to go to bed.  If getting in and out of bed isn’t painful and hard enough, just laying on my side is torture.  Tonight, I went to bed and immediately started crying it hurt so bad.  My husband is frustrated because there isn’t really anything he can do.  He’s been great throughout this whole pregnancy. 

I have another appointment tomorrow.  I need to know what my options are.  If there hasn’t been any progress, I may just break down.  For the last two weeks, I’ve done all the old wives tales to get this labor started except the castor oil.  That scares me.  Spicy foods, squats, sex, long walks, etc…  You name it, it’s been done.  I’m done.

another appt today

•November 4, 2009 • 1 Comment

Not much is going on in there.   Still 1 cm dilated.  Her term was “a loose 1 cn, so almost 2”.  Still 80% effaced.  The only progress made is she has dropped a little more into the pelvis to a 0 station.   

Warning – TMI!  I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like internals.  I want to know what’s going on in there, but they are really uncomfortable, make me very crampy and make me bleed for 1-2 days.  Right now, I’m sitting in my recliner and I can feel the blood leaking out.  Then I get nervous and run to the bathroom to make sure my water hasn’t broken.  Ugh. 

Something that pissed me off: A lady, her SO and a 2 month old baby are checking out/scheduling next visit.  She asked me how far along I was and then told me she was pg with #2 already.  Normally, I wouldn’t give a crap, but she had fucking food stamps peeping out of her purse.  Nice.  Thanks bitch.  I know where my tax dollars are going.

full-term today!!

•October 30, 2009 • 3 Comments


37 weeks

off of work!!!

•October 29, 2009 • 1 Comment

Today was my weekly.  They gave me my H1N1 shot then took me back to the exam room.  I mentioned to the nurse that I was in extreme discomfort while sitting.  So of course, it took the doc longer than normal to get into the room.  I was miserable and in tears by the time she came in. 

So she did her normal thing.  Baby is measuring right on time (37 weeks) and heart rate is perfect.  Then she went in for the internal (owowowow).  I’m still at 1cm, 80% efaced and 0 station.  However, she stripped my membranes while she was in there. 

I have a short torso and there is no more room for baby.  She can tell that the pressure on my pelvis is very painful and since I’m full term, she sees no problem if I go into labor.  So she just started the process that might move things along. 

Then she wrote an order to take me off of work immediately.  You don’t even know how this makes me feel.  For the past few days, I’ve not slept.  Sitting up straight is pretty much impossible and agonizing.  Driving sucks.  Being off of work, I don’t have to stress about getting a good night’s sleep.  I can lay down whenever I want.  I don’t have to drive or sit at a desk. 



had to call the doc

•October 28, 2009 • 2 Comments

I haven’t slept since Sunday night.  My ears hurt, have a headache and my heart is racing.  I was almost half way to work when I called the boss and he talked me into turning around and go back home.

The triage nurse (whom I love love love) told me that this start of fall season has reeked havoc on their 3rd Tri patients.  They’ve had many complaints about sinus pressure.   She recommended sudafed and tylenol.  The headache is probably associated with the pressure and my racing heart/not sleeping is normal at this stage.

Annnnnnnd I had contractions last night.  Woot!!  In the middle of the night mind you.  I got out of bed and went to the basement to lay in my recliner, hoping it would help me sleep and then bam!  They were mild and probably BHs since they were erratic and not really timeable, but now I know what to expect.  They have since gone away. 

Next appointment is tomorrow.


internal #2

•October 21, 2009 • 2 Comments

1 cm dilated and -1 station, (station pic below).  Of course I’m bleeding and cramping now.  But I do like progress!



•October 21, 2009 • 2 Comments

That’s what I’m calling them.  The once a week invasion into the other side.  And since my cervix sucks ass (we’ve been over this in past posts) I get to bleed and cramp more than normal folk.  Yay!  That means I’m winning. 

Last week’s progress had nothing to write home about, cervix just slightly thinning.  Monday night I had red spotting for no apparent reason.  Could be the beginning of losing the plug.  Also my hands have been super swollen.  More than normal.  Usually, they start un-swelling around 10am or so.  Yesterday, they never did. 

I go back today and will tell her about my hands. 

Today’s pics:


“another month”

•October 13, 2009 • 4 Comments

So I’m at work, in the bathroom, washing my hands and an instructor walks in and this is how the scholarly dicussion goes.

Her: “How much longer?”

Me:  “Another month”

Her: “Ooh a Christmas baby”

Me: “No, a Thanksgiving baby, we are in October”

Her: “Oh yah, I always forget about November”

Me: blank stare

33 week belly

•October 7, 2009 • 4 Comments



doc appointment today

•October 1, 2009 • 3 Comments

Today was another 2 week appointment.  I am still in denial about how fast this pregnancy has gone by.  At this point, I can’t imagine life without her inside me wiggling around.   The doc said that was normal and even she felt “alone” after having her children. 

I have one more 2 week appointment on 10/15 (35 weeks).  This will be my first internal pelvic exam.  Then we move on to weekly appointments.  Ahhhhhhh!!

We also talked about positioning.  At night when I’m lounging in my recliner she’s usually very active.  You can see the belly shape move and get distorted.  I had no clue if what I was seeing move was her head or her butt.  The doc thinks her butt is bleow my right breast, making her head down and legs under left breast.  I haven’t felt any painful rib kicks as of yet, but I’m sure those are coming. 

No weight gain in the last two weeks and bp is 110/70.  She is measuring perfectly at 33 weeks.

Target registry

•September 26, 2009 • 2 Comments

I’m gonna have to give it a thumbs up. 

We registered online and made sure the items were available in the store.  Every so often when we were out and about, we would stop at Target just to see what they had available and I updated the registry accordingly.  One of my friends even called and asked some questions about some bath items and warned me about what one particular Target was offering. 

I’ve heard that their return policies were kind of hairy, so I made sure everything that needed to be returned was added to the registry.  There were several items given to us at the shower that were duplicates and even more things that we didn’t need.  Most of those were clothes that were completely the wrong season. 

Well, we went yesterday to return all stuff and ended up with about $200 to spend on things we still needed.  It felt good to get those things off the list.

So, all in all, I had a great experience at Target.

um, who’s Megan?

•September 25, 2009 • 3 Comments

There was a card in the mail yesterday (hand delivered) from our neighbors.  How they knew it was our anniversary yesterday is still a mystery.  We don’t know them very wel  at all.  The weird thing is the card said: “husband’s name and Megan”.  LOL

Thanks neighbors that we don’t know that well, we do appreciate the sentiment.  But if you are going to hand out Happy Anniversary cards, get the names right.

shower was yesterday!

•September 21, 2009 • 3 Comments

I am just amazed at the generosity of our friends and family.









My sister-in-law made the cake.







Over the past few months, I have been taking bibs, onesies, hats and blankets to my mom’s house for her to use as decor.







I got to see some friends that I haven’t seen in a long time. Seriously, too long. I hope it’s not that long until I see them again.

Latest pics of my bump. 31w2d

hormonal breakdowns

•September 18, 2009 • 2 Comments

It came on with no warning, that’s why I think it was hormonal. Nothing triggered it. No one pissed me off. I didn’t stub my toe. Just a good old-fashion breakdown.

It was the craziest thing. I was making dinner last night and about to slice up some velveeta for the broccoli casserole and just started crying. Out of no where. The man thought something was wrong and I ended up laughing. WTF??

Ten minutes later I was in horrible pain. My back hurt so bad, I was almost in tears. I couldn’t stand, couldn’t sit, couldn’t walk, nothing. Then I remember reading that you can stretch your back by holding onto the tops of doorways. So I tried that and I could barely reach the frames with my fingertips on my tiptoes. Ugh. Then I leaned over the counter and just like the turn of a switch, it disappeared. Gone. It was very odd.

31 weeks today

vma awards

•September 14, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Just my quick 2 cents.

Tribute to Michael Jackson: love
Russell Brand’s pants: dude – I can tell what Religion you are.
Lady Gaga: seriously, wtf?
Kanye West: bad form, glad you got kicked out.
Beyonce: love
K Stew’s hair: love


first package

•September 1, 2009 • 2 Comments

I remember before the wedding, we would come home almost everyday and there would be a package on our front porch. Our friends and family were so generous.

Well, today, the Target Fairy visited our house. I was kind of confused because I hadn’t ordered anything. So I opened the box and to my surprise was a few things off the registry from my sister-in-law! She can’t make it to the shower since she lives 5 hours away and is also due to have their 3rd baby in 4 weeks. xoxoxo

Here’s what we got:

I won’t be displaying every gift we get in the future, but this was the first one and it goes with the nursery decor. =)

if only

•August 28, 2009 • 2 Comments

I had a dream last night that I just pushed her out with no problems, pain or discomfort. Yah right. Nothing in my life has ever been that easy. Ever.

The funny thing is I saw her. She was so beautiful. I wonder if she will look like that when I do get to meet her.

My baby girl. I love saying that and can’t get enough of it.

28 weeks
28 weeks

and so it begins

•August 25, 2009 • 1 Comment

We signed up for some classes today. I booked a breast feeding class and the man registered for a “new dads only” class. We both signed up for two in depth informational classes about birth and newborns. Hopefully we’ll get into them. They are free from the hospital that we are delivering at, but fill up fast.

We also started operation “It’s Already Ready Already”. Today, I made a few batches of Pesto Pasta Chicken Bake. One for tonight’s dinner and leftovers and 2 smaller batches for future dinners. I can’t tell you how many people have told me to go to those places where you can cook a bunch of dinners ahead of time and freeze. So we decided to go ahead and start this process.


last day in 2nd trimester

•August 20, 2009 • 3 Comments

Well, that flew by.

Went to the doc yesterday. I can’t believe my last two visits to her have been scheduled. Meaning, I didn’t have to go in between yesterday’s appointment and the previous one unplanned. Woot! Did the glucose test. It wasn’t as bad as I have heard. It was orange, cold and I downed it in seconds to not prolong the inevitable. Not sure when the results come in for that.

Last checkup, she was measuring 2 weeks ahead. Yesterday she is measuring just one week ahead. Silly growth spurts. Although, this makes me very happy she’s not getting too big too fast.

Now I start going to the doc every 2 weeks.

busy day

•August 15, 2009 • 2 Comments

There was a yardsale down the street today. I/we never go to yardsales. Well, they said it was a multi-family one and it was close, so I got up at the buttcrack of dawn to check it out. I have a collection of Little Golden Books (mostly Disney), so that’s what I look for.

I found a Scooby Doo one!! The Haunted Carnival for 5 cents. What a bargain.

Then we cleaned my side of the garage. Filled up 2 garbage cans. We plan on putting some (not wire) storage shelves that will actually hold all our crap soon, so this is prep work.

Then we moved the man’s desk and computer into the office. His was out in the basement in the main room. We decided we needed that space soon for a pack-n-play. Later on down the road, it will be her play area. So, now we put a bookshelf there that hold odds and ends. Sooner or later, it will hold more fundtional things we need for baby. Then I’m sure it will turn into toy storage.

I took a picture today from my view. I’ve lost the sight of my feet when standing straight up and looking straight down.


25 weeks!

•August 7, 2009 • 7 Comments

Holy crap! I’m 25 weeks pregnant. Who would have ever thought that me, pmarie, would be 25 weeks pregnant? I remember that time in my life when I didn’t even want kids. That seems like so long ago. For the past two and a half years, having a baby is all I’ve thought about.