my breastfeeding story (so far)

Let me prelude this post by mentioning that I have had a breast reduction. Total nipple removal and reattachment. The surgeon could only tell me that I would have a 50/50 chance at breastfeeding. This was in December of 2002.

Day 1
I haven’t slept in 4 days. As soon as she starts sucking the boob, I have to pull her off. Holy crap that hurts worse than labor. I thought she had a bad latch because it was so painful. The LC came in to see us and told me her latch was great. The LC, myself and baby tried this for another hour and it was so painful I was in tears.

Queue music until hyperventilation takes over. I had no idea it would hurt this bad. I just couldn’t bear the pain. I was in so much distress that it wasn’t doing anyone any good. The LC took a better look-see at my nipples and told me that I seem to have severe nerve damage and too much scar tissue. Because of these two things, my nips are too tight. She does think that I will be able to bf over time. Using the pump can loosen them so it won’t be so painful. When? We have no idea. I stuck my finger in her mouth to feel the suction. Damn, it’s a good thing my fingernail is attached. The LC did the same. We both now understand why it hurts so bad. She even said she has a very powerful suck. I’m not sure whether to be happy or scared about this.

Because of my uncontrollable state of mind, body and soul, she ordered no staff or visitors to my room for 6 hours. The nursery came and took the baby to let her sleep. The only person allowed in my room without my request was my husband. I tried to sleep, but it wasn’t happening. I just wanted to see my girl, but I digressed. He left to get his h1n1 shot and I was alone…again. Just me and my thoughts of “what if I can’t breastfeed?” I cried more and more everytime I thought about it.

That night I started pumping and of course didn’t even get one drop of colostrum. I almost started panicking because the only thing I really knew is that I wanted her to have my milk. Panicking doesn’t help, so I ended up giving her a small amount of formula in hopes of getting something out of me later.

Day 2
Pump pump pump all day long…..
Still nothing. I can’t believe I’m not even getting a drop of colostrum. Being overly emotional about this sucks. Little did I know the nurses at this hospital didn’t know how to communicate. I had to explain my situation over and over again to pretty much everyone that walked in the room.

“Your chart says you are bfing”

::cries again:: mainly because it upsets me that I have to explain my situation to every new shift nurse.

The next time I pump I got 3 drops!!! OMG, I couldn’t believe it. I had the man come and use his finger to take it off my nip and put into her mouth. Weird? Yes. Do I care? No. It was if I had struck oil. It went on like this (only getting drops) for a few days. I talked to my doc and the pediatrician and we all agreed that stressing out over this really isn’t worth it. Stressing causes other hormones that will prevent milk from coming in and baby can feel it too. I have to be strong for her. After all, this is for her.

Today
It’s getting better everyday. We are still pumping and she’s taking it like a champ. I try everyday to put her to the breast, but it’s still so painful. It was very slow going at first, but now we are up to about a bottle nipple’s worth of milk at each pump session and getting more everyday. This might be TMI – but I get crazy excited when lefty starts squirting milk when I pump. Righty still hasn’t done that yet.

That’s all for now. Hopefully, next bfing post will be more exciting.

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~ by pmarie33 on November 21, 2009.

One Response to “my breastfeeding story (so far)”

  1. I am sorry you are having such a rough time P. ((HUGS))

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