cycle 20…again

This is getting effing ridiculous. In the last 5 years, I’ve spent 4 of them TTC.

I called my doc today wanting to know what the next steps are. Waiting for her to call me back.

Back when we started TTC #2, I made the number one mistake in the TTC world by telling a few gals at work that were pg when I was the first time. Because you know, it’s so much easier to get knocked up quicker the second time. Barf. Since then, one of them is already back from another maternity leave. The other is in her 2nd trimester. Both of them ask me frequently how its going. I lie every time and tell them that we are still just chugging along.

It’s a lie because we aren’t just chugging along. I’m suffering emotionally. The man tries to cover up his emotions, but I can see through it. He’s wanting it to happen just as much as me.

Then I think about our little girl who will be turning 2 soon. Our little girl; who I blindly thought would be a big sister by now, who I want so bad to give a close in age sibling to…and can’t.

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~ by pmarie33 on September 8, 2011.

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